Childhood Emotional Abuse - How It Destroys Self-Worth (Part 3)

In Parts 1 and 2, we talked about the many forms of childhood emotional abuse. We noted that it can be more damaging than physical or sexual abuse. Now let's look at another aspect of emotional abuse. Which is worse: abuse by Mom or abuse by Dad?

This is a complex question with a complex answer.

The nurturing instinct is stronger in mothers because of the bonding hormone oxytocin and the calming chemical serotonin, which females have more of than males. The vast majority of sexual abusers (of both boys and girls) are men. And men, being generally bigger and stronger than women, as well as more prone to violence, are more likely to inflict physical harm on a victim.

Some of my research, however, indicates that abuse by mothers is more damaging than abuse by fathers. How can that be?

Mothers are our earliest emotional identity.

Mothers are supposed to be the nurturers. While an abusive father may (though doesn't necessarily) make way for a loving mother to compensate with an extra dose of nurturing, an abusive mother leaves a void where the nurturer should be. (This is especially true of earlier generations, where gender roles didn't cross over as much as they do now.)

While fathers tend toward more straightforward abuse (hitting, threatening, and yelling, for example), mothers tend to be more "creative" in their approach to abuse, choosing methods that are less visible to the outside observer and more likely to make the victim feel that it's all in his head.

Society may be less willing to accept that a mother is capable of serious abuse-although I believe this is changing, with recent high-profile cases of mothers harming and even killing their children.

I emphasize that each case is different, and I believe in the adage, "While every happy family is exactly the same, every unhappy family is miserable in its own way." Abuse is abuse, and the damage to the victim is real.

Have you been a victim of childhood emotional abuse? Do you know anyone who was-or is? Help is available.

Lisa J. Lehr is a writer, copywriter, and Internet marketer specializing in alternative health, pet care, and self-help. She holds a degree in Biology and is interested in the study of the human brain and how it controls our behavior.

Visit http://helpineedahug.com to download a free report entitled "A Hug: the Miracle Drug" and opt in for empowering weekly messages. An e-book to help the adult survivor of childhood emotional abuse recover his or her self-esteem is available for purchase.