Everyone has an addiction of some sort or at some level whether it be Shopping, dieting, eating, exercise, drinking, gambling or drug talking. Now you may think that shopping or dieting is not as bad as say, drinking or gambling? Wrong! Let's take shopping, we all love to spend money and go and treat ourselves. If your an addict to shopping you will usually go and buy for yourself because somehow you feel that you have earned the right to go and shop till you drop.
Well actually, you did not earn that right, you just managed to tell your brain that you deserve it. This is usually the reason that you have spent a lot less in the last week so you tell yourself that you have actually saved money. Now you DESERVE A TREAT. So what happens? You go and blow all the money that you have "saved" and probably a bit more on your credit card, but that's okay because that's not real money is it? No no no no no no no no it's not. Oh yes it really is! self denial is the biggest trait of a addict, that and lying to your friends, family, partner, wife, but the person you lie to the most is yourself. As you lose sight of reality and you apply for another credit card "OH IT'S ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES" before you know it, the card is maxed out. It wasn't for emergencies, was it? You just told yourself that. It was to fund your shopping habit!
I bet when you went shopping or to to have a bet that when you returned to your wife, partner or family that you lied about how much you spent, didn't you? Of course you did. You like to make out it was only a bit of shopping or just a wee bet but it wasn't, was it, because now you wont be able to go to that night out or to buy that present for that someone in your life who you were going to surprise, as you spent all that money. What happens when the credit card statement comes through the letterbox and you're at work? Yes, it's in your name and you have told your spouse that you only spent it on things for the house, and that you only use it for "emergencies" so it's okay if the other person opens the statement. You will be able to explain it all away, wont you? That's what you do, it',s not lying is it? it's just covering your tracks, I mean if it said on the statement "oceans sauna" you would say you went for a spa and massage and nothing more would be said.
Maybe not, but you have just sewn the first seed of doubt in the other persons head and right there and then you are introducing guilt, you know guilt? You should do, you live with it on a daily basis as a addict, it's your wee friend, but you choose not to acknowledge it most of the time and put it away to the back of your mind. It's only when someone else gets involved that it really rears it's ugly head and makes you realize that what you're doing is wrong. That feeling wont last will it?
So if you know someone, a friend, colleague or god forbid wife or husband, and money starts going out of your joint account, credit card or holiday fund and it can't be explained to a conclusion that you both agree on. Then someone is lying! It used to be the case that you had to go out of the house to survive as a addict, have that affair, have that bet or go shopping but not now!
Now you can easily do all these things from home so look out for and check their browsing history, check where they have been and even check up on what they tell you, check the mail. If you're in a loving, trusting relationship, then you should both be able to open things such as credit card statements and bills. Even check the amount they go out with and don't allow them any cards. Why do you need a card if you are just going for a bet or a couple of drinks? It might sound a bit harsh but the addict will be relieved to be found out, then they can admit it and get help because once you are faced with the facts it's hard to deny even for the most hardened liar.
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