Healing Emotional Abuse - Signs, Symptoms & Help For Relationship Problems

It's the cycle of abuse. Abusers always have a history of childhood abuse. They don't mean to pass it on and they would do better if they knew how. Whether you are the abuse victim or perpetrator, you must make a decision to stop the cycle of dysfunction now. Yes, the spider web of abuse is huge, but it can be healed.

Signs of Emotional Abuse:

- Unrelenting criticism

- Yelling

- Intimidation

- Sulking

- Manipulation

- Refusal to be pleased, no matter what you do or say

- Neglect

- Abandonment

- Denies you outside friends or hobbies

- Insists on going everywhere with you

- Negates your opinion

- Won't support your success

It's easy to see if you have been affected by emotional abuse, because the effect of abuse warps personalities.

Symptoms You Have Been Emotionally Abused:

- You are afraid to state your opinion for fear of retaliation.

- You've slowly stopped doing things you enjoy.

- If you miss a phone call, text message or email, you hurry to respond, hoping to avoid a fight.

- You have been ignored or rejected as a "punishment" for your behavior.

- You agree to things just to avoid a fight.

- You report where you are, who you are with and what you are doing.

- You've never received an apology, even when you've been right.

- You take the blame & responsibility for other people's unhappiness or problems.

- You suffer from low self esteem.

- Believe jealousy is proof of love.

Many people think emotional abuse only happens in love relationships, like boyfriend to girlfriend or husband to wife. But domestic abuse is not the only hot bed of pain. Emotional abuse can be seen in child abuse, elder abuse, between friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors and just about any combination of two or more people.

Solutions to Emotional Abuse:

- If you are involved in an emotionally abusive relationship of any kind, get out now. And don't go back until professional help is sought and completed by both of you. Sharon is a woman whose health was severely compromised as a result of working in a department where her co-workers shunned her, made fun of her, lied about her and gossiped about her lack of success and brains. Several times she did report abuse, but her immediate supervisor, as well as the human resources department, did nothing to help her. No paycheck in the world is worth this kind of treatment. Sharon was so beaten down from years of this abuse that she finally gave up and quit her job, before she ended up in the hospital. So, get away from the abuse immediately.

- Stop the abuse by calling for help. The National Domestic Abuse Hotline is open 24 hours a day. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Let the cycle of abuse stop now and RUN for help. Not another day of abuse needs to be a part of your life.

Professional Psychic & Certified Behavioral Therapist, Kathi Calahan, helps lovers heal their relationship by identifying the underlying problem and providing workable solutions, even if they're thinking of throwing in the towel. Her free newsletter American Love Psychic - How to Grow Old Together is available at http://www.AmericanLovePsychic.com.

Coping With Divorce From an Emotional Abuser - 4 Strategies For Success

Divorce is a common and very difficult emotional and practical process for almost everyone. However, if you are leaving an emotionally abusive marriage, it becomes all the more challenging. You are likely to feel low, depressed, and inferior to your partner, and like you will never make it without your spouse. However, the truth is that you will do very well after leaving your emotionally abusive situation, provided you take care of yourself and follow the right steps. Here are 4 strategies for successfully navigating this difficult process:

1. Eat right and take supplements. Taking care of yourself physically is absolutely essential during this period of time. Eat healthy, nourishing foods and avoid stress eating. Take a good food based multivitamin and calcium supplement. Also try L-Theanine for the management of anxiety symptoms, and 5 HTP (hydroxytryptophan) for anti-depressant effects. If you are experiencing severe or debilitating symptoms of anxiety and/or depression, see your doctor to find out whether medications are indicated.

2. Exercise. As unappealing as it may sound, exercise is a powerful antidepressant and will elevate your mood, helping you to think more clearly. Consult your health care practitioner as to what exercise regimen might be most appropriate for you. Cardiovascular exercise is ideal because sustained elevations in heart rate lead to the release of endorphins, the feel good chemicals that add to our sense of well-being. Ideally, you will work up to 45 minutes of cardio activity 5 times per week, for maximum benefit. Not only will your mood receive a boost, but your body will be healthier and the exercise will contribute to weight management.

3. Talk it out. Confide in trusted family and friends for emotional support. Find a good counselor who understands abuse issues. Psychological and emotional abuse can be a very subtle but damaging element in your life. The abuser is seeking to control and "program" you to be dependent upon him (or her), so you need others around you to help "reprogram" your thinking about yourself, your value as a person, and your capabilities. Sometimes, emotional abuse can elevate into physical abuse, at times without warning. Be sure you are consulting with a counselor who can help you manage such an unpredictable situation.

4. Avoid contact whenever possible with your soon to be "ex". He or she will do all that is possible to change your mind, punish you, and reassert control. The less you engage and listen to the incorrect messages he or she is sending you, the more correct perspective you will gain and the stronger you will become.

Are you interested in addressing your depression from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal growth and relationship expert who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

Emotional Abuse and Your Relationship - 6 Signs You Are a Victim of Emotional Abuse

Relationships require work and effort to be successful. However there are instances where the relationship simply does not have the foundation to succeed. One such instance is when one of the partners is emotionally and psychologically abusive toward the other. The victim is left sad, depressed, and struggles with self worth. Due to the nature of the abuse, and the fact that the abuser blames the victim for the problems, the victim may not even be fully aware that emotional and psychological abuse is even taking place. Here are 6 signs you are experiencing emotional and psychological abuse in your relationship:

1. Your partner puts you down, publicly or privately. You may be called names, or be criticized more subtle ways regarding your competence, character, or value as a person.

2. Your partner attempts to control your access to work or education. Your partner may act threatened by any activity of yours that fosters independence, and discourage you form pursuing those endeavors.

3. Your partner discourages you from spending time with friends and family. You may get pressure in the form of direct statements prohibiting you from seeing people your partner doesn't like, or it may be more subtle manipulation such as, "I can't believe you would choose to spend time with them instead of me." This tactic allows the abuser to control and isolate, which prevents you from receiving outside messages of either support of you, or criticism of your partner.

4. Your partner attempts to control your daily activities. You may feel obligated to give an account of your whereabouts and doings, and may feel defensive or like you must justify your actions.

5. Your partner uses sex as a weapon or method of control. This may manifest in your partner's demand for sex regardless of your mental state or preferences. It may also show up as a deliberate withholding of sex in order to keep you feeling vulnerable and controlled.

6. Your partner threatens non-physical consequences for non-compliance with his or her demands. An abuser may occasionally offer a kindness or perform a generous act, but rather than being motivated by love, it is a tactic designed to draw you back into the relationship. Once you are hooked back in, the abuse cycle will resume.

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal growth and relationship expert who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

The Secrets of Emotional Abuse Recovery for Women

Emotional abuse doesn't stop the day you walk away from an emotionally abusive partner. Unfortunately, it will probably continue to affect you long after your abusive partner has become history, unless you discover what emotional abuse really is and how best to overcome it.

Emotional abuse is any judgement, from any source, humiliates, undermines and paralyses you. People have a right to pass comment on errors you have made. They are never justified in suggesting that the errors you have made undermines your human worth.

Emotional abuse keeps you focused on the past; and seeing the future only through the negative perspective of the abusive relationship. When you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, your partner will always remind you of everything you have ever done wrong - and visit on you their prediction that you will never change for the better.

How does your partner know this? Actually, they don't. It's only their opinion.

Emotional abuse brainwashes you into taking whatever bad things your partner says about you as gospel. If they can be so sure, when you are feeling so confused and undermined, then they must be right. In fact, they sound so certain because they are heavily invested in what they're saying. They need you to believe it so they can maintain their power over you.

You can't be sure whether what your partner says 'counts' as abuse or not. After all, he doesn't hit you; he's just telling it like it is. Maybe, it's just you being too sensitive, or too demanding, or too unreasonable. That's what he tells you. So you end up worrying: "Is it? Isn't it?" Because you'll only feel 100% justified in taking a firm stand, if you are absolutely sure, and it's so hard to be sure with words.

In fact, if his words make you feel small, worthless or humiliated, and he doesn't respect or consider how you feel, that is abusive. More important, it is unacceptable. Hurting your feelings, or being careless of your feelings, however you choose to see it, is unacceptable. Period.

Until you become adept at recognising verbal and emotional abuse you will continue to suffer it in your life. Because you will continue to let friends, acquaintances and even strangers behave in ways that are either hurtful or careless of your feelings.

You will visit other people's abusive judgements on yourself, until you discover how to identify them and get rid of them once and for all. Worse still, you'll confuse abuse with 'being realistic'. If ever you find yourself thinking: "They can do things, because it's different for them, they're not as hopeless and useless as I am", that is an abusive judgement. Any assessment you make about yourself that denies your ability to create good relationships and a good life for yourself is abusive - and wrong.

How can you possibly know what the future holds? After all, if you had had the gift of foresight, you wouldn't have got involved with your abusive partner in the first place, would you?

So how do you 'do' emotional abuse recovery?

1) Understand that change is inevitable and that you have the power to make all the changes you want and need. Sure, you may not be able to make them right now, because you may not even know exactly what you want and need. What you can do, is start making one or two small changes and maybe add a few others as you go along; maybe adding a little self-care into your daily routine.

The psychological burden of an abusive relationship is actually like a massive boulder. You can't push it away, but a few small changes act like putting a plank under it. The leverage you'll gain will allow you to roll that boulder away, faster than you might think possible.

2) Start to reprogram your mind. You can wait until things get better to start believing that they will; or you can fast-track your recovery by starting to believe in and look for improvements. Whatever you look for, you will see. Whether your glass is half-full or half-empty, it's still the same glass and the same volume of liquid. The only difference is how you'll feel about it. How do you want to feel?

3) Get support. You can find support from a refuge, from a group for survivors of domestic violence - and make no mistake emotional abuse is domestic violence - from a counsellor, coach or other professional who understands how you have been affected by emotional abuse.

4) Get information. Not only will you find out that you're not the only one to fall for an abusive partner, you'll see that all abusive partners are clones. Some hit, some don't, but they all behave in much the same way; they all say pretty much the same cruel things. You'll soon start to realize that, since they all work from the same script, what they say is not about you, it's actually about them.

5) Start to count your blessings. Yes, you've been through totally undeserved pain and misery and no doubt you are still hurting, but you have a choice. You can focus on the pain, or you can start to focus on what you have to celebrate. Bear in mind that what you focus on multiplies.

Consciously make time in your day, maybe last thing at night, to celebrate your health, your children's health, a child's smile, any good thing that has happened in your day, a kindness shown to you, the sunshine, the beauty of a flower. If you commit to celebrating 10 blessings in a day, then you'll have to look for them. Once you make a habit of looking for them, you will surely find 10, and more.

Is that it? It's certainly a very good start. Everything suggested in this article will move you on from your hurt, victim mind-set and into an awareness both of your own worth and of all that there is for you to look forward to. The journey of recovery from emotional abuse is the journey from fear, shame, and powerlessness into joyful belief in yourself and the world. You don't know what the future holds, but rest assured that there it will be far, far happier than you can imagine right now.

(C) 2006 Annie Kaszina

Annie Kaszina Ph D, is a coach and writer who has helped hundreds of women to rebuild their confidence and their life after an abusive relationship. Annie is the author of "The Woman You Want To Be". This ebook will teach you how you can love yourself first, so that you can create strong self-belief and build the fulfilling future you're looking for on firm foundations.

To find out more and sign up to Annie's free bi-monthly ezine visit http://www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com You can email Annie at: annie@EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com

Feel free to reprint this article on your website or in your ezine, just include the resource box.

Childhood Emotional Abuse - Close Cousins With PTSD

Childhood emotional abuse doesn't often get the attention it deserves. It gets less attention than, say, physical abuse or sexual abuse or even PTSD. Yet it can be just as damaging (if not more so) as the other types of abuse, and is more closely related to PTSD than you might realize.

Because of the way memories are stored and retrieved in our brains, anything that even vaguely reminds us of something in our past-any picture, sound, smell, emotion, thought, or physical sensation that resembles what happened-can bring back the entire experience of that memory. Painful past experiences that have no real relation, just a perceived similarity, to present events can continue to control our behavior.

This is not unlike the way people become affected by post-traumatic stress disorder. PTSD is an anxiety disorder resulting from a traumatic event, most often combat, physical assault, or natural disaster. With PTSD, the traumatized person develops a heightened startle response and mood changes. PTSD victims are vulnerable to flashbacks, which are essentially overpowering memories of the traumatic event coming back at unexpected moments.

PTSD victims will also try to avoid thinking about the event; if you know anyone with the disorder, you've undoubtedly noticed that they're reluctant to talk about what happened. The "hidden" aspect of their suffering makes it worse, and all of this makes it difficult for a PTSD sufferer to function normally in normal life situations.

Granted, it might be a bit disrespectful of PTSD sufferers to suggest that, say, being yelled at and called names as a child is equivalent to being raped or seeing your comrades maimed and killed in battle. Still, the process is similar: in both cases, the change is biological and relatively permanent.

Adult survivors of childhood emotional abuse have a huge collection of painful memories that can be triggered by ordinary events. People say things or do things that get interpreted as personal attacks, no matter how far off the mark that interpretation may be. So, in a self-perpetuating cycle of false "selfhood," the survivor of childhood emotional abuse will behave in ways that get others to treat them in a way that matches their distorted self-image.

Dr. Wayne Dyer, in The Power of Intention-Learning to Co-Create Your World Your Way, calls this a "maxim for life": "You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you."

Do you see yourself or someone you know in this? If so, help is available.

Lisa J. Lehr is a writer, copywriter, and Internet marketer specializing in alternative health, pet care, and self-help. She holds a degree in Biology and is interested in the study of the human brain and how it controls our behavior.

Visit http://helpineedahug.com to download a free report entitled "A Hug: the Miracle Drug" and opt in for empowering weekly messages. An e-book to help the adult survivor of childhood emotional abuse recover his or her self-esteem is available for purchase.

Emotional Abuse and Depression - 4 Signs the Issue is Not You

Depression is a common problem for many people at some point in their lives. Sometimes, challenges in a relationship contribute in a huge way to the issue. If there is a component of emotional abuse, the victim may not realize that the biggest problem stems from the abusive behavior of the partner. Due to the tendency of the abuser to convince the victim that they are at fault, inferior or crazy, it may not occur to the abused partner that improvement in his or her depressive symptoms may be accomplished by removing the influence of that relationship. Here are 4 signs that emotional abuse might be the root cause of your depression:

1.  Your partner puts you down, publicly or privately. The insults or criticisms may be subtle or blatant. Your partner is attempting to convince you that you are inferior to him or her, unable to function well, and may cause you to question reality. It may even cause you to wonder if you are going crazy.

2.  Your partner attempts to control your activities. He or she may demand an account of your daily activities, questioning or criticizing your choices. You may also feel pressure to withdraw and spend less time with your friends and family. This serves two purposes -- it asserts the abusive partner's control, and removes the positive influence of your loved ones. They will be less likely and able to give you a more accurate perspective on your relationship.

3.  Your partner uses sex as a method of control. Everyone has moments in their relationship where the sex drives of the partners do not match. However, this is a different situation in which there is a pervasive pattern of sex being used as a tool to get what the abuser wants. The desire for control may manifest through demands for intimacy despite your feelings or desires. Conversely, your abuser may withhold sex and intimacy deliberately, leaving you feeling vulnerable, rejected, and even more worthless.

4.  Your partner implies other non-physical punishments if you do not comply with his or her demands. This may be interspersed with occasional rewards or kindnesses. Rather than being an act of love and concern however, these positive behaviors are a tactic designed to throw you off balance, draw you back into the relationship, and give you false hope that the relationship will improve and the abuser will change.

Are you interested in addressing your depression from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal growth and relationship expert who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

Shamanic Healing For Narcissistic Abuse

Last night I had a very powerful dream. I was doing energy work on an elderly dying woman, helping her to make her transition. While working around her body there was a demonic presence in her energy field and I ask it to leave. Begrudgingly it shouted a few obscenities at me and left the field. I continued clearing out energy that was holding this woman back and then an amazing miraculous thing happened. She transformed into a young, vibrant woman and got up off the bed she was lying on and went back to her life.

As I was doing my river walk this morning I reflected on last nights dream in attempt to understand the meaning and the message it had for me. Suddenly I realized this was the work I do. I work with people who are being depleted by some negative force in their energy field. This entity can be so powerful as to cause it's victim to wither, to get sick and even die. By removing such an entity from ones energy field, she can have full access to her life-force energy once again and get back to her life.

When I speak of a negative or dark entity I am not necessarily talking about the narcissistic personality itself, but rather what possesses it. I think back on a former narcissistic relationship I had and I truly believe my ex-boyfriend was possessed by some dark force. When one is weakened through abuse, drugs, alcohol or something else, he is vulnerable to entity attachments. These are disembodied souls who attach themselves, like a parasite, to their host and have a physical experience through them.

It is entirely possible that some of the behavior we have identified as "narcissistic personality disorder" actually comes from entity attachment. There is a difference between entity attachment and possession, like you see in the exorcist. Possession takes over the body completely where entity attachment just shares the space, creating a strong influence in the life of the host. There have been cases where a non-smoker will suddenly have the urge to smoke a cigarette, or someone might feel compelled to partake of a certain drug or drink. One may eat particular foods he/she never at before or be prone to binges. When the entity is attached to someone he is strongly influenced by it. His behavior can change completely. He can get mean, violent, controlling, dominating and manipulative.

When we live with or are in an intimate relationship with someone who has an entity attachment we can also be greatly influence by this entity. We may even become vulnerable to hosting entities ourselves through the weakening of our character. The same entity could potentially batter both partners to a point of complete destruction of the relationship.

Most people don't like the thought of entity attachment. It is too strange; too foreign a concept to digest. It is too much like the movies. Yet it is a reality we must consider when dealing with narcissistic personalities.

If you suspect entity attachment you may not be able to do anything for your partner but you can do something for yourself. You need to work on clearing your own energy field or having an experienced Shamanic practitioner do this for you. Ask all unwanted attachments to leave. Starve the entity by fasting for a period of 5-10 days. This is a purification ritual written about in the Essene Gospel of Peace. Most dark entities attach to us to have a physical experience. Since they no longer have a body, they love to indulge in all the pleasures of the flesh, including sex, drugs, drinking and food. If you give all these things up for a period of time, they will go elsewhere to get their fix and you will come out of the experience rejuvenated, purified and ready to live your life again.

When dealing with entity attachment it is best not to focus on the entity attached to your narcissistic partner. Because you could come up against some extreme resistance. Can you imagine his reaction if you were to tell him you think he might have an attachment, a psychic parasite? He will certainly tell you that you are crazy and soon you will likely believe that you are. So focus on clearing yourself. If he shows interest you can refer him to a Shamanic practitioner and let the practitioner deal with it. I know one very good Shamanic Practitioner who had a man, obviously a narcissistic personality, living in his home with him. He ended up kicking the man out of his home. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped or who doesn't realize there is a problem, regardless of the situation.

In my dream I was helping a woman with an attachment who, to me, was symbolic of all the women I work with who are caught in the narcissistic Web of Illusion. It could be the narcissistic entity itself that is attaching to the woman, bleeding her of her life-force energy. My goal is to clear this entity out of her life so she can have her energy back. She is dealing with a parasite, a psychic vampire that is feeding off her life-force energy. We must clear that entity out of her field so she is free of it. At this point she may still feel a little weak but can begin to recover her strength and get her life back.

This work is very powerful because it takes place on a psychic energy level rather than a physical or emotional level. We meet the vampire on it's domain and evict it from our home. We get our life back and the entity must find another source to feed from. Sound familiar?

It would also make sense that those who are being drained by an entity are disoriented, weak and confused. This allows the host to be manipulated and controlled by the entity. If you are aware of its presence and evict it, then it must leave. It can't remain a host in an unwilling victim. Only those who are caught up in the confusion and insanity created by the entity can continue to host it. Awareness is the key. When we are aware we are sensitive to what is going on around us and we learn to see the confused, manipulative world of the narcissist for what it is, unhealthy, dysfunctional and even dangerous to our life and well-being.

It was amazing in my dream how this withered old woman transformed into a youthful vibrant woman filled with life-force. This is the transformation we make when we go from victim/host to purging the entities that keep us enslaved in that role. When we shed those unwanted attachments and step fully into the light of life, we experience the same kind of rejuvenation and transformation the woman had in the dream. We go from slipping slowly into death to being reborn into a new life, one that is well worth the living.

Kaleah LaRoche is an Author, Holistic Counselor, Minister and Musician. She specializes in Spiritual Recovery for the Victims of Narcissistic Abuse. Kaleah has written two books on narcissism and abuse that she offers as downloads from her Website. She also offers lots of free information, a support forum, soul recovery and counseling. To learn more about Kaleah's work visit her Website: http://www.narcissismfree.com