Coping With Divorce From an Emotional Abuser - 4 Strategies For Success

Divorce is a common and very difficult emotional and practical process for almost everyone. However, if you are leaving an emotionally abusive marriage, it becomes all the more challenging. You are likely to feel low, depressed, and inferior to your partner, and like you will never make it without your spouse. However, the truth is that you will do very well after leaving your emotionally abusive situation, provided you take care of yourself and follow the right steps. Here are 4 strategies for successfully navigating this difficult process:

1. Eat right and take supplements. Taking care of yourself physically is absolutely essential during this period of time. Eat healthy, nourishing foods and avoid stress eating. Take a good food based multivitamin and calcium supplement. Also try L-Theanine for the management of anxiety symptoms, and 5 HTP (hydroxytryptophan) for anti-depressant effects. If you are experiencing severe or debilitating symptoms of anxiety and/or depression, see your doctor to find out whether medications are indicated.

2. Exercise. As unappealing as it may sound, exercise is a powerful antidepressant and will elevate your mood, helping you to think more clearly. Consult your health care practitioner as to what exercise regimen might be most appropriate for you. Cardiovascular exercise is ideal because sustained elevations in heart rate lead to the release of endorphins, the feel good chemicals that add to our sense of well-being. Ideally, you will work up to 45 minutes of cardio activity 5 times per week, for maximum benefit. Not only will your mood receive a boost, but your body will be healthier and the exercise will contribute to weight management.

3. Talk it out. Confide in trusted family and friends for emotional support. Find a good counselor who understands abuse issues. Psychological and emotional abuse can be a very subtle but damaging element in your life. The abuser is seeking to control and "program" you to be dependent upon him (or her), so you need others around you to help "reprogram" your thinking about yourself, your value as a person, and your capabilities. Sometimes, emotional abuse can elevate into physical abuse, at times without warning. Be sure you are consulting with a counselor who can help you manage such an unpredictable situation.

4. Avoid contact whenever possible with your soon to be "ex". He or she will do all that is possible to change your mind, punish you, and reassert control. The less you engage and listen to the incorrect messages he or she is sending you, the more correct perspective you will gain and the stronger you will become.

Are you interested in addressing your depression from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal growth and relationship expert who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

The Secrets of Emotional Abuse Recovery for Women

Emotional abuse doesn't stop the day you walk away from an emotionally abusive partner. Unfortunately, it will probably continue to affect you long after your abusive partner has become history, unless you discover what emotional abuse really is and how best to overcome it.

Emotional abuse is any judgement, from any source, humiliates, undermines and paralyses you. People have a right to pass comment on errors you have made. They are never justified in suggesting that the errors you have made undermines your human worth.

Emotional abuse keeps you focused on the past; and seeing the future only through the negative perspective of the abusive relationship. When you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, your partner will always remind you of everything you have ever done wrong - and visit on you their prediction that you will never change for the better.

How does your partner know this? Actually, they don't. It's only their opinion.

Emotional abuse brainwashes you into taking whatever bad things your partner says about you as gospel. If they can be so sure, when you are feeling so confused and undermined, then they must be right. In fact, they sound so certain because they are heavily invested in what they're saying. They need you to believe it so they can maintain their power over you.

You can't be sure whether what your partner says 'counts' as abuse or not. After all, he doesn't hit you; he's just telling it like it is. Maybe, it's just you being too sensitive, or too demanding, or too unreasonable. That's what he tells you. So you end up worrying: "Is it? Isn't it?" Because you'll only feel 100% justified in taking a firm stand, if you are absolutely sure, and it's so hard to be sure with words.

In fact, if his words make you feel small, worthless or humiliated, and he doesn't respect or consider how you feel, that is abusive. More important, it is unacceptable. Hurting your feelings, or being careless of your feelings, however you choose to see it, is unacceptable. Period.

Until you become adept at recognising verbal and emotional abuse you will continue to suffer it in your life. Because you will continue to let friends, acquaintances and even strangers behave in ways that are either hurtful or careless of your feelings.

You will visit other people's abusive judgements on yourself, until you discover how to identify them and get rid of them once and for all. Worse still, you'll confuse abuse with 'being realistic'. If ever you find yourself thinking: "They can do things, because it's different for them, they're not as hopeless and useless as I am", that is an abusive judgement. Any assessment you make about yourself that denies your ability to create good relationships and a good life for yourself is abusive - and wrong.

How can you possibly know what the future holds? After all, if you had had the gift of foresight, you wouldn't have got involved with your abusive partner in the first place, would you?

So how do you 'do' emotional abuse recovery?

1) Understand that change is inevitable and that you have the power to make all the changes you want and need. Sure, you may not be able to make them right now, because you may not even know exactly what you want and need. What you can do, is start making one or two small changes and maybe add a few others as you go along; maybe adding a little self-care into your daily routine.

The psychological burden of an abusive relationship is actually like a massive boulder. You can't push it away, but a few small changes act like putting a plank under it. The leverage you'll gain will allow you to roll that boulder away, faster than you might think possible.

2) Start to reprogram your mind. You can wait until things get better to start believing that they will; or you can fast-track your recovery by starting to believe in and look for improvements. Whatever you look for, you will see. Whether your glass is half-full or half-empty, it's still the same glass and the same volume of liquid. The only difference is how you'll feel about it. How do you want to feel?

3) Get support. You can find support from a refuge, from a group for survivors of domestic violence - and make no mistake emotional abuse is domestic violence - from a counsellor, coach or other professional who understands how you have been affected by emotional abuse.

4) Get information. Not only will you find out that you're not the only one to fall for an abusive partner, you'll see that all abusive partners are clones. Some hit, some don't, but they all behave in much the same way; they all say pretty much the same cruel things. You'll soon start to realize that, since they all work from the same script, what they say is not about you, it's actually about them.

5) Start to count your blessings. Yes, you've been through totally undeserved pain and misery and no doubt you are still hurting, but you have a choice. You can focus on the pain, or you can start to focus on what you have to celebrate. Bear in mind that what you focus on multiplies.

Consciously make time in your day, maybe last thing at night, to celebrate your health, your children's health, a child's smile, any good thing that has happened in your day, a kindness shown to you, the sunshine, the beauty of a flower. If you commit to celebrating 10 blessings in a day, then you'll have to look for them. Once you make a habit of looking for them, you will surely find 10, and more.

Is that it? It's certainly a very good start. Everything suggested in this article will move you on from your hurt, victim mind-set and into an awareness both of your own worth and of all that there is for you to look forward to. The journey of recovery from emotional abuse is the journey from fear, shame, and powerlessness into joyful belief in yourself and the world. You don't know what the future holds, but rest assured that there it will be far, far happier than you can imagine right now.

(C) 2006 Annie Kaszina

Annie Kaszina Ph D, is a coach and writer who has helped hundreds of women to rebuild their confidence and their life after an abusive relationship. Annie is the author of "The Woman You Want To Be". This ebook will teach you how you can love yourself first, so that you can create strong self-belief and build the fulfilling future you're looking for on firm foundations.

To find out more and sign up to Annie's free bi-monthly ezine visit http://www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com You can email Annie at: annie@EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com

Feel free to reprint this article on your website or in your ezine, just include the resource box.

Emotional Abuse and Depression - 4 Signs the Issue is Not You

Depression is a common problem for many people at some point in their lives. Sometimes, challenges in a relationship contribute in a huge way to the issue. If there is a component of emotional abuse, the victim may not realize that the biggest problem stems from the abusive behavior of the partner. Due to the tendency of the abuser to convince the victim that they are at fault, inferior or crazy, it may not occur to the abused partner that improvement in his or her depressive symptoms may be accomplished by removing the influence of that relationship. Here are 4 signs that emotional abuse might be the root cause of your depression:

1.  Your partner puts you down, publicly or privately. The insults or criticisms may be subtle or blatant. Your partner is attempting to convince you that you are inferior to him or her, unable to function well, and may cause you to question reality. It may even cause you to wonder if you are going crazy.

2.  Your partner attempts to control your activities. He or she may demand an account of your daily activities, questioning or criticizing your choices. You may also feel pressure to withdraw and spend less time with your friends and family. This serves two purposes -- it asserts the abusive partner's control, and removes the positive influence of your loved ones. They will be less likely and able to give you a more accurate perspective on your relationship.

3.  Your partner uses sex as a method of control. Everyone has moments in their relationship where the sex drives of the partners do not match. However, this is a different situation in which there is a pervasive pattern of sex being used as a tool to get what the abuser wants. The desire for control may manifest through demands for intimacy despite your feelings or desires. Conversely, your abuser may withhold sex and intimacy deliberately, leaving you feeling vulnerable, rejected, and even more worthless.

4.  Your partner implies other non-physical punishments if you do not comply with his or her demands. This may be interspersed with occasional rewards or kindnesses. Rather than being an act of love and concern however, these positive behaviors are a tactic designed to throw you off balance, draw you back into the relationship, and give you false hope that the relationship will improve and the abuser will change.

Are you interested in addressing your depression from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal growth and relationship expert who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

Shamanic Healing For Narcissistic Abuse

Last night I had a very powerful dream. I was doing energy work on an elderly dying woman, helping her to make her transition. While working around her body there was a demonic presence in her energy field and I ask it to leave. Begrudgingly it shouted a few obscenities at me and left the field. I continued clearing out energy that was holding this woman back and then an amazing miraculous thing happened. She transformed into a young, vibrant woman and got up off the bed she was lying on and went back to her life.

As I was doing my river walk this morning I reflected on last nights dream in attempt to understand the meaning and the message it had for me. Suddenly I realized this was the work I do. I work with people who are being depleted by some negative force in their energy field. This entity can be so powerful as to cause it's victim to wither, to get sick and even die. By removing such an entity from ones energy field, she can have full access to her life-force energy once again and get back to her life.

When I speak of a negative or dark entity I am not necessarily talking about the narcissistic personality itself, but rather what possesses it. I think back on a former narcissistic relationship I had and I truly believe my ex-boyfriend was possessed by some dark force. When one is weakened through abuse, drugs, alcohol or something else, he is vulnerable to entity attachments. These are disembodied souls who attach themselves, like a parasite, to their host and have a physical experience through them.

It is entirely possible that some of the behavior we have identified as "narcissistic personality disorder" actually comes from entity attachment. There is a difference between entity attachment and possession, like you see in the exorcist. Possession takes over the body completely where entity attachment just shares the space, creating a strong influence in the life of the host. There have been cases where a non-smoker will suddenly have the urge to smoke a cigarette, or someone might feel compelled to partake of a certain drug or drink. One may eat particular foods he/she never at before or be prone to binges. When the entity is attached to someone he is strongly influenced by it. His behavior can change completely. He can get mean, violent, controlling, dominating and manipulative.

When we live with or are in an intimate relationship with someone who has an entity attachment we can also be greatly influence by this entity. We may even become vulnerable to hosting entities ourselves through the weakening of our character. The same entity could potentially batter both partners to a point of complete destruction of the relationship.

Most people don't like the thought of entity attachment. It is too strange; too foreign a concept to digest. It is too much like the movies. Yet it is a reality we must consider when dealing with narcissistic personalities.

If you suspect entity attachment you may not be able to do anything for your partner but you can do something for yourself. You need to work on clearing your own energy field or having an experienced Shamanic practitioner do this for you. Ask all unwanted attachments to leave. Starve the entity by fasting for a period of 5-10 days. This is a purification ritual written about in the Essene Gospel of Peace. Most dark entities attach to us to have a physical experience. Since they no longer have a body, they love to indulge in all the pleasures of the flesh, including sex, drugs, drinking and food. If you give all these things up for a period of time, they will go elsewhere to get their fix and you will come out of the experience rejuvenated, purified and ready to live your life again.

When dealing with entity attachment it is best not to focus on the entity attached to your narcissistic partner. Because you could come up against some extreme resistance. Can you imagine his reaction if you were to tell him you think he might have an attachment, a psychic parasite? He will certainly tell you that you are crazy and soon you will likely believe that you are. So focus on clearing yourself. If he shows interest you can refer him to a Shamanic practitioner and let the practitioner deal with it. I know one very good Shamanic Practitioner who had a man, obviously a narcissistic personality, living in his home with him. He ended up kicking the man out of his home. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped or who doesn't realize there is a problem, regardless of the situation.

In my dream I was helping a woman with an attachment who, to me, was symbolic of all the women I work with who are caught in the narcissistic Web of Illusion. It could be the narcissistic entity itself that is attaching to the woman, bleeding her of her life-force energy. My goal is to clear this entity out of her life so she can have her energy back. She is dealing with a parasite, a psychic vampire that is feeding off her life-force energy. We must clear that entity out of her field so she is free of it. At this point she may still feel a little weak but can begin to recover her strength and get her life back.

This work is very powerful because it takes place on a psychic energy level rather than a physical or emotional level. We meet the vampire on it's domain and evict it from our home. We get our life back and the entity must find another source to feed from. Sound familiar?

It would also make sense that those who are being drained by an entity are disoriented, weak and confused. This allows the host to be manipulated and controlled by the entity. If you are aware of its presence and evict it, then it must leave. It can't remain a host in an unwilling victim. Only those who are caught up in the confusion and insanity created by the entity can continue to host it. Awareness is the key. When we are aware we are sensitive to what is going on around us and we learn to see the confused, manipulative world of the narcissist for what it is, unhealthy, dysfunctional and even dangerous to our life and well-being.

It was amazing in my dream how this withered old woman transformed into a youthful vibrant woman filled with life-force. This is the transformation we make when we go from victim/host to purging the entities that keep us enslaved in that role. When we shed those unwanted attachments and step fully into the light of life, we experience the same kind of rejuvenation and transformation the woman had in the dream. We go from slipping slowly into death to being reborn into a new life, one that is well worth the living.

Kaleah LaRoche is an Author, Holistic Counselor, Minister and Musician. She specializes in Spiritual Recovery for the Victims of Narcissistic Abuse. Kaleah has written two books on narcissism and abuse that she offers as downloads from her Website. She also offers lots of free information, a support forum, soul recovery and counseling. To learn more about Kaleah's work visit her Website: http://www.narcissismfree.com

Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

Emotional abuse is the first stage of domestic violence. You find yourself in a romantic relationship that begins with our new partner being extremely attentive. He is willing to do anything for you. Things progress quickly, though, perhaps faster than your comfort level. He talking about marriage and kids and your not ready to go there, yet.

I will insert a disclaimer here: Not all emotional abusers are men. Women can also be abusers. I will the male pronoun in this example because the majority are men due to their size and generally more aggressive nature (no offense, guys).

When you try to slow him down he doesn't even hear you. He never has taken "no" for an answer; and you didn't have the heart to give it to him. That was a mistake on your part. When abusers are scouting out a partner they look for someone who can't say "no". Maybe they start by offering you a drink. You really don't want on one, he insists relentlessly until you cave and accept it. He's testing you. You should be testing him. When offered something from someone you just met, politely refuse. If he perseveres (won't take "no" for an answer) lose him immediately! He'll scout elsewhere. If he's O.K. with you declining his offer, he passes that test. Later you can change your mind about the drink, though you may have it get it yourself.

So now you're in a relationship with Mr. Super Attentive and you notice that when he gets grouchy he takes it out on you. At first he just makes sideways remarks to you about your appearance, intelligence or behavior; ranging from little verbal put downs to name calling. He's overly critical of everything you do and soon he's humiliating you in front of your family and friends.

His overall demeanor slowly changes as he gets angry easier all the time. He's overly jealous and need to know where you are at all times. You start to lie to him in an attempt to keep him calm. Soon you realize that he makes all decisions and he has slowly taken full control of your relationship.

If this describes your relationship you are the victim of emotional abuse. I'd advise you now to get out. Things will not get better- only worse. He may initiate stalking behaviors next, showing up unexpectedly at your work or other places you normally go without him. He will try to isolate you from your friends and family. He may start and argument with them. You would, of course side with him so as not to anger him. His isolation process begins.

His anger becomes more frequent and escalates to mean gestures, breaking things that have sentiment value to you, even abusing your pets. He may even flaunt weapons to you.

Girl, the red flag was waived right in front of your face. If you have let the emotional abuse get this far you are in eminent danger! The next step is physical violence. This won't only happen once, although he'll probably swear it'll never happen again. His lying is one of his lesser sins!

You need to leave this relationship now!

For more information on this subject please visit Domestic Violence

Su Ericksen

I obtained my black belt in TaeKwonDo in my late 30s. I have lead workshops on self defense with children and young adults. I believe that self defense starts with self awareness, the ability to thoroughly sense your surroundings. I teach basic avoidance behaviors and I also stress knowing what action to take when threatened.

My website is: SelfDefense-4-Women.com

Dysfunctional Behaviors - May Be Rooted in Childhood Emotional Abuse

Do you know anyone who's struggling with any of these behaviors?


self-esteem issues;
dysfunctional emotions such as depression, hostility, apathy, hopelessness;
substance abuse (drugs, alcohol, nicotine);
abuse of others (physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, and/or verbal);
abuse of ourselves-self-mutilation (e.g. "cutting"), eating disorders (e.g. overeating, anorexia), etc.;
inappropriate attachment to things (e.g. being a "shopaholic" or a hoarder) or situations;
physical problems including fatigue, chronic colds and other infections, high blood pressure, heart disease, intestinal disorders, and skin problems.

Most likely, you do...and perhaps it's you.

Any given person can suffer one, two, several, or all of these disorders. Where do these problems come from?

The answer is as complex as are people, but it's a given that there's a cause behind every problem. Some trauma has occurred in this person's life, and it may go back as far as childhood. Furthermore, it may have gone undetected for so long because the cause may be an "invisible" one such as childhood emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse can be difficult to recognize, define, and address. The abuser can make the victim feel it's all in his or her imagination, or that it's the victim's fault. The victim may just feel that he or she is "crazy."

The outward manifestations of emotional pain on the list above are sometimes easier for the victim to deal with because they're visible, tangible, and "real." Physical pain may be "comforting" to a victim of childhood emotional abuse.

But none of these behaviors are beneficial to the victim of childhood emotional abuse or those around him or her. The sufferer should seek help and learn to deal with the trauma in a healthy way.

Lisa J. Lehr is a writer, copywriter, and Internet marketer specializing in alternative health, pet care, and self-help. She holds a degree in Biology and is interested in the study of the human brain and how it controls our behavior.

Visit http://helpineedahug.com to download a free report entitled "A Hug: the Miracle Drug" and opt in for empowering weekly messages. An e-book to help the adult survivor of childhood emotional abuse recover his or her self-esteem is available for purchase.